Lent: Journey Through the Holy Land – Part 2

I’m sure you’re wondering – as I was often wondering in the days leading up to the trip and the first few days of the journey:

How did I get to this place in my life where I was going to Israel?

I grew up in the United Methodist Church. I was baptized in Platte Woods United Methodist Church and confirmed in Kearney First United Methodist Church. In high school I was a leader on the Conference Council on Youth Ministries (CCYM) for the Missouri United Methodist churches. I led over 15 mission trips over 3 summers. I spoke at Annual Conference at Ordination and on a panel of youth during a general session. I led Confirmation Days and Retreats. As a youth I was a leader in the church. In college I served as a Youth Director at Frontenac United Methodist Church. I had a successful college career as a member of a multitude of organizations and graduated as a member of the Honors College. During these years, I was confident in myself and knew who I was in Christ.

But as I graduated college and moved into the workforce, I changed. I left college as a strong, independent woman but through circumstances at work, who I was as a person changed.

I went to work for a company I had interned for, so I was going into a job with people I knew and I thought that would make the transition easy. But I was young. And naive. There was someone I worked with that I let walk all over me and bully me around. At first I had no idea what was happening. Honestly, I worked with this person for a couple of years and I didn’t know until it was brought to my attention by someone else who said “Do you really let this person treat you like that? Do you realize you are the only one they treat this negative way?”

And I didn’t. All the things this person had noticed were happening to me had caused me to think that I wasn’t cut out for this. I came out of college feeling confident in my skills – and feeling confident in who I was and what I was capable of. And I had let someone tell me otherwise:  that I couldn’t do my job, that I was failing and drowning while everyone else was thriving and swimming. That I wasn’t as good as everyone else.

I am positive this person never intended to make me feel they way they did. But I let what I thought that this person thought about me change me – who I was and how I felt about myself. 

I often found myself crying on my way home from work. I wanted to quit but I felt it would be unfair to my other coworkers as they would have to cover my accounts. I hated my job and the way I felt at work.

And when I was in this place of self doubt it hurt. It was difficult. I was at that place where I was feeling like a failure. And because at work I felt like a failure, in other places in my life I started to feel like a failure too. And ultimately, I felt like a failure in my faith. I even started to think: How can God love a failure like me? I started to question who am I that God would love me?

I became so far removed from God and the church, that I was in a place where I didn’t know what I believed. So I stopped going to church. But God wasn’t going to let that happen. Over six months later, I found myself looking for a new church home with my mom.

After months of searching for a new church home, we landed at Rez Downtown. Even though we didn’t know a single soul it felt like home and we committed to going every week starting in January 2019.

I remember during announcements one Sunday, a trip to the Holy Land was mentioned and there would be an informational meeting. As it was talked about, I thought Hmm. Okay God. I hear you. I thought about it – and was like Really, God? The Holy Land? You want me to go there? I thought well maybe this is just the travel bug – I was just looking for a reason to go somewhere new. But then my mom nudged me and said “I think you should go.”

And it was surprising to hear her say that. At first I was confused. Until I realized that it was God. He wanted me to go. He knew that if He spoke through her, it would confirm the voices I was hearing from Him. 

By the end of February I had signed up to go to Israel with a group of people I had never met. And by May my mom and I joined COR as members on Cinco de Mayo. It was a big decision for us, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

You’re probably thinking by now, Abbey, we’re already 860 words in to this post. Is all of this information really necessary? 

YES.

Because this whole path to Israel was God working in my life.

Looking back, God was working in so many ways I didn’t even realize.

He was pushing me to rediscover myself in Him. If you know me, then you know I usually don’t like change. I can be complacent. I have anxiety around strangers, and I am not someone who just jumps into the deep end of the pool.

But God led me down this path of leaps and jumps. He took me from a low place and brought me to the land where Jesus walked. 

I hadn’t intended to find a new church after months of searching. In fact I had given up and was just fine spending my Sunday mornings at home. Yet I didn’t even think twice about signing up for the trip to the Holy Land. I wasn’t scared to go across the world with people I didn’t know.

How is this possible?

Well, simply put – God was at work in me after searching for Him for the past several months.

God broke down barriers and led me here. On this journey to a land unknown to me. On an adventure to retrace the footsteps of Jesus.

As we journey through Lent, I encourage you to reflect back on your faith. What circumstances in your life have led you to where you are today? What do you consider a turning point in your faith? How has God worked in your life that you can only see now in retrospect? 

Sometimes in the middle of the journey, we can’t see where we are going. We don’t know what lies ahead and we don’t realize how far we’ve come. Sometimes we are scared to take the next leap of faith to follow where God is calling us. 

God I pray that as we journey through this Lenten season towards the promise of the cross that we can feel Your presence. That we may rejoice in how far we’ve come in our faith – that we may reflect on the difficult moments that got us here. God may You draw us closer to you. Help us to see You at work in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Help us to have courage in wherever You are calling us to take a leap of faith. Amen.

We’re taking this slow, but I don’t want to dive in too fast – because we’ve got the next 45 days together until Easter! 

Abbey Jo