Lent: Journey Through the Holy Land – Part 35

The afternoon before, upon arriving at our hotel in Jerusalem, I spent time writing out my prayer. I snagged a few sheets off the notepad on the table and dug a pen out of my backpack. What was I going to pray? Who was I going to pray for?

I spent more time thinking about what I wanted to say to God than I did writing down what I was actually saying. I wanted the words to be right. I didn’t want it to sound stupid. I wanted to make sure I got everything down.

I prayed for my family, my mom, my dad, my brother and Jessica. I prayed for the church. I prayed for myself. Three sheets of paper later, I had my prayer finished, not realizing the difficulty three sheets would later cause.

I anticipated this moment all morning the next day. I was ready and I was excited for this moment I was going to have with God.

We passed through the security checkpoint, gathered together for instruction and then split – men towards the left and women towards the right. We stood around the handwashing stations, taking turns in the ritual purification, using the two handled cup to run the water across our hands.

From there, we entered the prayer area, walking closer to the Western Wall.

Inside the prayer area are white plastic chairs spread about. Many women are rocking back and forth, facing the wall with their prayer books in hand. Other women have pressed their entire bodies up against the wall, wailing in prayer.

I was ready for what was sure to be a God moment. I stood behind women praying at the wall, waiting my turn to step forward.

And finally I was able to take my turn, to pray here at the Western Wall. My shaky hands folded my papers as small as I could get them as I searched for a crack or crevice that I could shove them in. Why did I have to write three pages?

I closed my eyes and began to pray. Longing to feel God in this place.

But it just wasn’t happening.

It was crowded as people pushed past each other. Babies cried. A few women spoke with each other. Others spoke on their cell phones.

So I concluded my prayer. It wasn’t this big God moment, and I was disappointed.

I slowly walked backwards, away from the wall, as was customary tradition, and made my way to the group.

I’d built all this excitement and anticipation up for this moment with God at the Western Wall and it wasn’t what I thought it should be.

I was disappointed and kinda heartbroken. Is this how I’m going to remember it? Was I not doing something right?

I longed to feel connected to God, did he not show up? Did I let myself be overcome by the distractions that I missed him completely?

I think this is how God feels towards us sometimes.

He longs for us to seek him. For us to communicate with and pray to him.

But then we let distractions get in the way. Work, home, school, hobbies, friends, electronics, television, social media, etc. We put our focus on all of these things that we neglect to spend time trying to connect with God.

We’re worried that our prayers or our words won’t be perfect, so we don’t try.

I’m guilty of this. I am absolutely terrible at praying regularly. I’ll think “I don’t have all the words right now, so I’ll just wait til later” or “He already knows what I want to say in my heart, so why bother trying to find the right words.”

God can see and feel me stirring, building up to conversation with him – only to bail. And I can imagine he feels neglected, disappointed and heartbroken.

He’ll be so excited to spend time with me as the anticipation builds. But then I don’t show up.

Why wouldn’t God feel the way I felt on that October day when I don’t show up?

So slow down. Make time for God. He longs to connect with you more than you long to connect with him. He’s excited to communicate with you. He doesn’t care if you have the right words, or if you only have a few minutes.

Show up. I promise you – it’s worth it. Every single time.

I’m no longer disappointed about my experience at the Western Wall because I know God didn’t forget about me that day. He was right there next to me. Speaking to me – only I didn’t quite hear what he was saying at the time. But I know now. I don’t have to have the right words or be in a holy place. I just need to set aside the distractions and connect – because he’s right here, ready to listen.

Lord, often times we feel like we don’t have the right words to speak to You. We choose to focus on distractions instead of spending time with You. Father forgive us for not showing up and speaking with You. Help us to set aside our distractions and connect with You. Amen.

Interestingly enough as I was reading more on the Western Wall this evening, I came across an update from the Western Wall Heritage Foundation. Today (March 31, 2020) the prayer notes from the last 6 months (including mine from October) were removed from the Western Wall in order to sanitize and clean the holy site amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. The prayers were collected and will be buried along with other sacred papers on the Mount of Olives.

I hope you’ll join me tomorrow as we venture inside the Temple Walls to the Dome of the Rock.

Abbey Jo