January 18, 2009.

8 years ago today, I was an awkward high school freshman. I was a band geek and nerd. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and it didn’t bother me.

I woke up and got ready for church, just as I would have on any other given Sunday morning. Oddly though, as I was getting ready for the day, I reminisced on memories from my first year at church camp, in 2006.

At that time, I was a scared sixth grader who had grown up in the church, but didn’t really feel connected to God. I recalled a counselor fashion show, in which the guys were dressed in female bathing suits and dresses. I wish I still had the video today, but Dane was a natural on the “runway.” I remembered how hot the week was, and that no one, had as much sweat as Dane when he played his guitar. We all had a good laugh at that one.

I didn’t know why, but that morning I remembered moments of the past where I first met Dane – a person who I didn’t know at the time would have such an impact on my life.

Between that summer in 2006 and January 18th of 2009, Dane became like an older brother to me. Someone who I could talk to and look up to; someone who would encourage me and inspire me.

8 years ago today, I first understood loss. I understood grief.

Today, even 8 years later, still brings tears. Waking up this morning and seeing the dense fog out my window I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was scared. As I drove through my neighborhood, headed to work, the slick roads frightened me even more.

The heartbreak from 8 years ago hit home, because 8 years ago you were the age I am today.

Dane, I’m here. Still inspired by your love and kindness. Over the last 8 years I’ve felt your presence when playing my clarinet. I’ve seen your smile when your mom hugs me tight. I’ve heard your voice stating the best piece of advice you gave me, every time I start to doubt myself.

Today, you still inspire me. To love God. To love people. And to “stick to your guns.”